Baked Beans
Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to him.
Then one day he met a lovely girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry he thought to himself, “She will never go for this carry on”. So he made a supreme sacrifice and gave up the beans. They married shortly afterwards.
Some months after his car broke down on the way home from work and since they lived in the country he called his wife and told her he would be late home. On the way he passed a small cafe. The aroma of freshly baked beans was overwhelming and since he had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects of the baked beans.
All the way home he farted, and after arriving he felt reasonably safe that he had farted his last. His wife, somewhat agitated and surprised to see him, exclaimed, “I have a wonderful surprise for dinner tonight.” She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the dinner table. He was seated and just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to remove the blindfold until she returned, she went and answered the phone. Seizing the opportunity he shifted his weight onto one cheek and let go. It was not only loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin from his lap and fanned the air vigorously. He had just returned to normal when he felt another one coming on. He shifted weight again and let go. This was a prize winner! While keeping his ear to the conversation in the hal, he went on like this for ten miunutes until he hear the ‘fare-wells on the phone, which indicated the end of his freedom. He placed the napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top iof it, smiling contentedly to himself. He appeared the very picture of innocence when his returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked him if he had peeked, and he of course assured her he had not.
At this point she removed the blindfold, and there was his surprise – twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his birthday.