Jokes from the Vortex

No Of fence

PG

Office Dares

ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES

  • Run one lap around the office at top speed.
  • Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
  • Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, “Just called to say I can’t talk right now. Bye.”
  • Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
  • While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS DARES

  • Say to your boss, “I like your style” and shoot him withdouble-barrelled fingers.
  • Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, “Did you get all that, I don’t want to have to repeat it”.
  • Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
  • Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a ‘non-player’ within sight).

FIVE POINT DARES

  • At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the National Anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
  • For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Bob”.
  • Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
  • After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in “the report’s on your desk, Mon”. Keep this up fo r one hour.
  • While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
  • In a colleague’s diary, write in 10am: “See how I look in tights”.
  • Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask “You wanna trade?”.
  • Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now”.
  • Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, “I can’t talk about it”.
  • Posing as a maitre d’, call a colleague and tell him he’s won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
  • Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
  • Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
  • Move your work desk and chair into the lift and when the doors open say “Hello, can I help you???”.

And if that wasn’t enough for you…

SEVEN POINT DARES

  • At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
  • Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the eco nomy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
  • Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it “IN.”
  • Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  • As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
  • Sing along at the opera.
  • Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
  • Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
  • Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
  • When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!”
  • When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”